A journey to FENCE in one's inner peace and freedom and build BRIDGES through healthy and fulfilling relationships with others and the world.
Defining the title words of this blog as my first entry is a sort of statement of purpose. I've been reflecting on that purpose for quite some time...and hope this be the start of another "quite some time" during which others are able to benefit from the thoughts, reflections and challenges presented here.
Fence:
(n) a barrier enclosing or bordering a field, yard, etc., usually made of posts and wire or wood, used to prevent entrance, to confine, or to mark a boundary.
(v) to enclose by some barrier, establishing exclusive right to possession.
(v) to defend; protect; guard.
Bridge:
(n) a structure spanning and providing passage over a river, chasm, road, or the like.
(n) a connecting, transitional, or intermediate route or phase between two adjacent elements, activities, conditions, or the like.
(v) to make a bridge or passage over; span
(definitions from http://dictionary.reference.com)
So, what do fences and bridges have to do with one another? And why did I choose these two concepts as the title for this blog?
Given that the two main areas of reflection here are personal and relational, I wanted images that provoked reflection in both of those directions. The idea of bridges came easily - connections, safe passage over obstacles, providing a "higher" perspective of those obstacles, both a concept and an action.
We need bridges in many areas of our life (internal and external), different ones at different times, in different directions, connecting us with others and the world around us. Some bridges can be natural - the log or stepping stones over a creek - and others require a team of engineers, architects and contractors. Bridges adapt to their surroundings, require solid foundations and no two bridges are exactly alike. Human beings are social, communal by nature; the connections in our lives multiply geometrically as we interact within and expand our circles of family, friends, associates, etc.
Fence, in the singular form, came a little later.
Fence, in the singular form, came a little later.
A fence marks a boundary and establishes possession. Parallel to the abundance of bridges in our lives, we are entitled to only one fence. The only thing we have the right to possess is our own inner self, our personal identity and its expression in the choices we make.
We have a natural tendency to want to turn bridges into fences. Especially in those relationships closest to us – either keeping the other fenced in or locking them out. Bridges have ins and outs on each side, they promote freedom of movement and passage, equally for both individuals.
As parents, we want a fence protecting and guarding our children from pain, sickness, failure and heartache. As spouses, we want fences establishing exclusive rights to the attention of our spouse (at least most women do; I can't speak for the men – feel free to share). As individuals, we want barriers established between the outside world and our insecurities or fears. As adults, we want to stake out our talents and abilities as untouchable, by the needs of others or by the aging process.
The mistake we make by attempting to guard or enclose what is meant to provide passage is to limit our own growth, and the growth of the ones we love. We don't love our children by keeping them in a bubble. We don't love our spouses by want demanding them all for ourselves. We don't love ourselves by being consumed with our weaknesses. We don't love others by protecting ourselves from vulnerability.
The images themselves have sown seeds of a multitude of ideas and reflections that will sprout in future posts. Please comment and share your own seeds of insight into the meaning of fences and bridges in our lives…
I leave you with a first "bridge-board": What bridges, or relationships, in my life have I confined? What have I gained from trying to possess the other person? What bridges have I allowed someone else to turn into an enclosure? What have I lost by allowing myself to be possessed by another?
